Everybody feels anxious from time to time, but not everyone suffers from the mental health condition ‘Anxiety’. I’m definitely not trivialising anxiety by putting it in quotation marks – sorry if anyone feels like I have by accident.
I’ve seen my friends deal with anxiety and struggle with really bad lows, panic attacks and moments where it just seems all too much. I haven’t been diagnosed with anxiety, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t feel anxious. I think part of the reason why I haven’t been to a professional to discuss my mental health is that I’m functioning well/as normal at present, and I’m put off by the stigma attached to the label. I do think there is merit in labelling things as it makes identifying and solving problems that little bit easier. However, sometimes things cannot be categorised due to the complex nature of mental health. And by generating more labels, more stigma, more uncertainty and divided we are in the battle against poor mental health. But good news, by talking about mental health – especially amongst men – the stigma is starting to lift.
In the forthcoming snap election, many of the manifestos address the rising demand to deal with mental health. Good on them – have a read of this fab article, outlining the key points in a range of parties’ manifestos (not just the Tory/Labour comparisons)
Anyway, I could go off on a tangent about politics, but I’ll save that for another time if you want to hear an opinion of an opinionated left wing female #letjunebetheendofmay😉
In the past, I had no real idea of what anxiety and depression (big links, conflicting but linked) and relied on empathy, until I was about 16.I’d just finished my GCSEs and was moving schools and couldn’t wait to leave. As I result I was feeling trapped and depressed that I was simply stuck. I tried self harming but couldn’t even do that right – do not do this ok? – and it hurt like a bitch. I couldn’t and it made me feel worse as I felt I had no outlet. I was broke, couldn’t smoke or drink (deffo a blessing) and instead felt like shit for a good few months. And eventually I moved schools, made some kickass friends and I started to feel better. I kicked out all the toxic bitches in my life (encouraged my mum to do the same months later) and kept in touch with the good eggs❤️
Legit this was how my closest friends made me feel. They still do today. Friends are family you choose and the true ones make things better. Family is also important to have your back (thanks mumma💫)
So yeah, my dad died and I think that’s triggered me to feel more anxious about change etc. I spoke to mama llama and she thinks it’s reality sinking in and to take care.
So this morning (before 11am fml) was a disaster and it resulted in me taking a shit load of rescue remedy and crawling back between my sheets for some down time. Below is my shitty mcshit shitstorm morning:
- I woke up at 8 (good Hughesie) to get ready with my rad tshirt and makeup to get some routine. Wolfed down a rice pudding so I’d be on time to meet at 9 with my SLF for exam prep… only to find I don’t need to be in til 1:30 (bad Hughesie)
- So I had to cancel a Tescos order, due to arrive from 2-3.
- Tescos man was super nice, and tried to sort stuff out for me. He couldn’t find my address and his computer crashed.
- He suggested I’d sent it to an alternative address. Cue panic panic panic – not at the disco – that I’d sent £60 or so if shopping to my home address in Leicestershire. Fml.
- Turns out it was being sent to York, but they couldn’t deliver at like 4. Had to cancel and now I’ll have to go out shopping during my exam prep time nooooo (or survive a freezer food diet… tempting dahling)
- And to top off my shakes, I’d received a text from the NHS booking me in for an unknown appointment in York. I’m unregistered in North Yorkshire, as I feel more comfortable at my home healthcare providers – I know the doctors personally and they’ve looked after me from when I was conceived. But that hasn’t stopped this appointment from being booked without my knowledge, consent or authorisation. I’ve tried calling for over half an hour and they haven’t picked up as their phones are ‘busy’. Plus, the crème de la crème of this micro disaster, is that the surgery I’m booked in at is 3 miles away, unknown to me in route and location and there’s no bloody bus. Fan-f*cking-tastic.
The Scream, by Edvard Munch  is an accurate artistic interpretation of my feelings. But face looks as impassive/O.G resting bitch face as the Mona Lisa, by Leonardo Da Vinci (not DiCaprio) 
Remember that it’s important to talk about anxiety and other mental health issues. It’s difficult for an individual to cope with their personal issues and also the people around them. It’s a hard balance of being sympathetic, empathetic, caring, understanding, supportive and the practical, hard hand in dealing with it. There’s professional services and people there.
- NHS Choices Helpline
- Mental Health Foundation
- Young Minds
On that note, it’s fair to say I need to jump/bomb dive back into public law revision to attempt not to fail this exam. Pip pip✌🏻❤️