Trim Time

Hello my lovelies, it’s been a long time, I know:( been buried under a load of coursework and revision for my resits!

I’ve managed to pack in some lil adventures (I’ll write about these soon!) but today I’ve taken a little break to get my hair done. 

Haters gonna hate, potatoes gonna potate,  but I’m so pleased with Stacey’s (new hairdresser) work! Not only did she manage to replicate a previous stylist’s cut, but she put her own twists into my short ‘do. She made the edges softer and a seamless blend from clipped sides and back into a longer top. Se had to guess the clipper setting (5) and managed to get it spot on. The back of my hair falls in a neat point, which feels very feminine… something my mum’s feared I’d lose with a very short trim. 

What made Stacey stand out, was her warm personality and product recommendations. She styled my hair with this awesome matt, natural-looking “punch powder” that also absorbs excess hair oil and grease like a dry shampoo. Love it, and will be buying some soon!

Honestly, I feel so much better after getting my hair done. So much less stressed thanks to a wash cut and blow dry, but it’s nice to take care of myself for once. My house is a complete mess and it’s bugging me out – there’s no bin lid which has caused so many flies, and I need to scrub everything. I’m becoming more OCD, Des Hughes style!🤣 but as soon as I’ve done my resits this week (property [boo] and obligations – Tort and contract [yaas]) I’ll be sorting it all out. Kinda sad that I’m so excited to clean😅

In the photo above you can see I’ve got a SUPER cute ear cuff (which is from Claire’s… ikr) and I’m so so so keen to get more! I want to get my left conch (so the cuff is permenant), right helix and right third lobe pierced soon. I’ve really fallen in love with silver jewellery after experimenting with gold and rose gold, and think it’s a really good match to my pale af complexion and weird undertones. (I’m mixed in undertones and race sooooo) It’s not like gold doesn’t suit me (it brings out the flecks in my dark brown eyes) but I feel that silver is daintier and more my style. 
Aaaaand back to work I go, but remember to show yourself some love. Whether this is internally or externally, it’s important to look after yourself. 

Peace out🤙🏻

Going the extra mile

There’s no doubt about it, the world is a f*cked up place. In just three months, the UK has experienced three terrorist attacks: Westminster, Manchester and (most recently) London Bridge/Borough Market. Every single day, there are people drinking dirty water, starving, smuggled into sex trafficking, dying from AIDs, malaria, cancer, suicide. The disasters that are occurring on the daily are infinite – minute and individual or the macro.

Last night, I had a really awesome outing in Leeds with a guy. We went bowling at Roxy Lanes (it’s seriously quirky) and I got thrashed due to my terrible and erratic bowling skills. TWO strikes that didn’t count because I missed the first shot. Typical me.  Anyway, we had a walk round Leeds, ate some gorgeous tapas at Ambiente (octopus, patatas y chorizo, fried goats’ cheese, olives, shrimp and crab croquettes and spicy garlic prawns (gambas)) and then went to a gig at a music bar (Oporto) to listen to a couple of incredible electronic/indie bands… kinda hard to whack a genre label on these bands, Loux and Low Island. Afterwards, we were stuck in Leeds station for a bit and decided to play a couple of tunes on a public piano. Honestly, the acoustics in Leeds train station are amazing and make everything sound so much better and have a sort of ethereal vibe to them.

This guy clearly making a huge effort to plan it all, and I seriously had an awesome time.

But as we were walking around Leeds, there were loads of homeless people around. It was so saddening that we couldn’t give something to everyone, and that these people are homeless in the first place.

I realise I have gone off on a complete tangent here, but my point is that if everyone did a little to help on the micro level, the world could start to become a better place. Yes, there are still these macro level issues and the support and love displayed in light of these atrocious events is simply overwhelming and beautiful. The Manchester One Love benefit concert (I’ve been watching highlights) was mindblowing. I was reduced to tears curled up in bed; I can’t imagine what it must have felt like to be standing in those crowds. Wouldn’t it be nice, though, to not have had the attack in the first place? Losing a loved one marks their loving and loved ones with an irrevocable emotional scar. The masses are showing their support after a tragedy – which is fantastic.

What troubles me is that the homeless heroes, such as Steven Jones and Chris Parker, have only received help themselves and recognition for their humanity because of the Manchester attack. Surely this indicates that there aren’t enough provisions for the homeless, and that these two men are only the very tip of the iceberg. Something needs to be done to help people get off the streets and have a shot at a better quality of life. I found a really provocative article by the Guardian, which is well worth a read, about the homeless and compassion. We could all do a bit to help.

It’s rewarding to go the extra mile, to see a smile on someone’s face. Even if it’s a just a small pick-me-up when someone is feeling a bit blue. More often than not, it’s the thought and gesture that means the most.

My friends have had arguments and felt that certain apologies are not sincere. Going out of your way to rectify a wrong is so important, as it demonstrates how much friendships and relationships mean to you.

Guys, I’m shattered and a bit of a frazzled, emotional mess (if I’m being honest) and my message (like my title) is to go the extra bit for someone. Even if it’s just a small thing, try and make your world positive. Hell, I’ve been drunk in a club toilet before, and honestly another drunk girl telling you you’re beautiful or seem lovely or that they like your style is lifting. But that might just be the shots;) In addition to my previous post about anxiety and depression, some kind words to someone might just make their day a little brighter. There’s so much negativity in the world, and there is positivity too… let’s continue to stand strong, be supportive and spread the love.


Everybody feels anxious from time to time, but not everyone suffers from the mental health condition ‘Anxiety’. I’m definitely not trivialising anxiety by putting it in quotation marks – sorry if anyone feels like I have by accident. 

I’ve seen my friends deal with anxiety and struggle with really bad lows, panic attacks and moments where it just seems all too much. I haven’t been diagnosed with anxiety, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t feel anxious. I think part of the reason why I haven’t been to a professional to discuss my mental health is that I’m functioning well/as normal at present, and I’m put off by the stigma attached to the label. I do think there is merit in labelling things as it makes identifying and solving problems that little bit easier. However, sometimes things cannot be categorised due to the complex nature of mental health. And by generating more labels, more stigma, more uncertainty and divided we are in the battle against poor mental health. But good news, by talking about mental health – especially amongst men – the stigma is starting to lift. 

In the forthcoming snap election, many of the manifestos address the rising demand to deal with mental health. Good on them – have a read of this fab article, outlining the key points in a range of parties’ manifestos (not just the Tory/Labour comparisons) 

Anyway, I could go off on a tangent about politics, but I’ll save that for another time if you want to hear an opinion of an opinionated left wing female #letjunebetheendofmay😉

In the past, I had no real idea of what anxiety and depression (big links, conflicting but linked) and relied on empathy, until I was about 16.I’d just finished my GCSEs and was moving schools and couldn’t wait to leave. As I result I was feeling trapped and depressed that I was simply stuck. I tried self harming but couldn’t even do that right – do not do this ok? – and it hurt like a bitch. I couldn’t and it made me feel worse as I felt I had no outlet. I was broke, couldn’t smoke or drink (deffo a blessing) and instead felt like shit for a good few months. And eventually I moved schools, made some kickass friends and I started to feel better. I kicked out all the toxic bitches in my life (encouraged my mum to do the same months later) and kept in touch with the good eggs❤️

Legit this was how my closest friends made me feel. They still do today. Friends are family you choose and the true ones make things better. Family is also important to have your back (thanks mumma💫)
So yeah, my dad died and I think that’s triggered me to feel more anxious about change etc. I spoke to mama llama and she thinks it’s reality sinking in and to take care. 

So this morning (before 11am fml) was a disaster and it resulted in me taking a shit load of rescue remedy and crawling back between my sheets for some down time. Below is my shitty mcshit shitstorm morning:

  1. I woke up at 8 (good Hughesie) to get ready with my rad tshirt and makeup to get some routine. Wolfed down a rice pudding so I’d be on time to meet at 9 with my SLF for exam prep… only to find I don’t need to be in til 1:30 (bad Hughesie)
  2. So I had to cancel a Tescos order, due to arrive from 2-3. 
  3. Tescos man was super nice, and tried to sort stuff out for me. He couldn’t find my address and his computer crashed. 
  4. He suggested I’d sent it to an alternative address. Cue panic panic panic – not at the disco – that I’d sent £60 or so if shopping to my home address in Leicestershire. Fml. 
  5. Turns out it was being sent to York, but they couldn’t deliver at like 4. Had to cancel and now I’ll have to go out shopping during my exam prep time nooooo (or survive a freezer food diet… tempting dahling)
  6. And to top off my shakes, I’d received a text from the NHS booking me in for an unknown appointment in York. I’m unregistered in North Yorkshire, as I feel more comfortable at my home healthcare providers – I know the doctors personally and they’ve looked after me from when I was conceived. But that hasn’t stopped this appointment from being booked without my knowledge, consent or authorisation. I’ve tried calling for over half an hour and they haven’t picked up as their phones are ‘busy’. Plus, the crème de la crème of this micro disaster, is that the surgery I’m booked in at is 3 miles away, unknown to me in route and location and there’s no bloody bus. Fan-f*cking-tastic. 

The Scream, by Edvard Munch [1893] is an accurate artistic interpretation of my feelings. But face looks as impassive/O.G resting bitch face as the Mona Lisa, by Leonardo Da Vinci (not DiCaprio) [1503]
Remember that it’s important to talk about anxiety and other mental health issues. It’s difficult for an individual to cope with their personal issues and also the people around them. It’s a hard balance of being sympathetic, empathetic, caring, understanding, supportive and the practical, hard hand in dealing with it. There’s professional services and people there. 

  • Samaritans
  • NHS Choices Helpline
  • Mental Health Foundation
  • Mind
  • Counsellors
  • Young Minds
  • Mindfull

On that note, it’s fair to say I need to jump/bomb dive back into public law revision to attempt not to fail this exam. Pip pip✌🏻❤️

Posted in Me

Property Revision

I HATE revising. I hate it more than the actual exam. I hate assessments at university to be honest. To quote Donny Meg, “whoever said university was easier than A-Levels, they were talking a load of bullsh*t.”

So I’ve been PBLing the property problem and as per our SLF spends ages chatting away and going on tangents about irrelevant or obscure things. But I feel like we’ve covered most of the bases and I do appreciate/enjoy revising together. The most frustrating thing is, however, the bloody group chat pinging off every five minutes with questions that have already been asked and answered. JUST SCROLL UP GUYS! And certain people please stop flapping about the tasks, everyone is in the same boat here, sweetheart, you’re not the only one finding it hard. It just gets others more on edge and stressed. (You know who you are, discipline yourself and shut the f*ck up. Please.) – kisses, E.H., xoxox 

P.S. Also, revision is not a f*cking competition. Stop comparing yourself to others! By all means revise and check with each other (but no collusion oi oi) but don’t enforce your personal methods/volume on peers, it’s just obnoxious (or just being a prick/bell end/knob, as they say in the North.)

Anyway, the way my exams are structured is that I get material (in the form of a PBL-style problem) released to me 48hrs before the actual exam… which allows me to really focus on particular areas of law and structure potential answers to formative and normative essay style questions. But it’s hella stressful too, finding the relevant law and journal articles as well as trying to remember it all in the exam! 

I feel like I’ve done a lot today, really organised my thoughts about the exam. I made 9x A4 sides of notes about Trusts, the problem, proprietary estoppel, family law in the home, marriage, cohabitants, change in law, criticisms and theories, aims and applications of property law. I’ve highlighted TLATA 1996 and LPA 1925 for exact bits of the statute that apply to this problem, read through notes and explanations and viewed PowerPoints on lecture recapture – a very expensive subscription for many at £9000 per year. Bit of a rip off if you ask me😉 I’m kinda making a big fuss about what I’ve done because my arsewipe of a housemate criticised me for not dedicating enough of the 48hrs to actual revision. I said I was going to aim for about 20 hours of revision, but want to go to the gym and relax, have a dece night’s sleep and eat right as well. That’s really important to me, to actually look after myself and not burn out like my other housemate! But anyway, arsewipe was shocked that I was not aiming for 36 hours that he would do. But what does he know? He doesn’t sleep enough, eats sh*t food and does biomed — a completely different course and exam set up to Law. 
I’m cranky and can’t sleep, it’s 1am. I’m also lonely AF, missing my family and friends a lot. Needed to rant a little, and express how crap exams are. 

But there’s one thing to take away from all this. Just because you’re stressed about exams, doesn’t give you any right to be an arsehole to people because they’re doing the same sorry goddamn things. Instead, why not give them a hug, cup of tea (or tuna pasta salad like I did for Donny this evening) to make em feel a bit more loved during a stressful period. 


It’s been so long since I’ve posted. And I’m sorry to anyone who actually read my blog and missed me (although that’s probably not many hahahah!) Anyway, I feel like I owe an explanation to you. 

My motivation to post anything on this blog hit rock bottom a few months ago. My dad had been very sick for about 18 months, with terminal cancer (in the lungs, brain, bones and kidney) and he passed away at the end of April – on St. George’s Day. It’s been an incredibly  tough journey for him and it’s been so painful to watch him slip away. Before he took his last breath – which sadly I missed – his health both physically and mentally rapidly declined during the spring semester. I’m lucky that I got to say goodbye to him, as he peacefully died at home… where he wanted to go. 

There aren’t enough words to describe what an amazing man my dad was and is to me; there have been some gorgeous tributes to him artistically and verbally. Tributes that I will and can look back on for a very long time. The funeral was simply amazing – he’d planned a humanist service inside a Catholic church – with readings from my brother and a recording of me singing Tears in Heaven (one of Dad’s favourite Eric Clapton songs) A wake was held on the play park, which Dad had helped to develop over the years and with the sun shining and surrounded by insane food and alcolols, the love and support of all those in attendance was felt. 

My bois, who have supported me even before Dad’s diagnosis in October 2015. Some of my amazing family and friends travelled for 18hrs to be there for me. 

Whilst things don’t seem real at the moment, I’ve returned to uni after a lovely and luxurious break away with my mum and brother (Wynyard Hall, County Durham – absolutely stunning, crazily good meals and comfy room) and trying to assimilate back into some sort of normality. Baby steps. But the love I’ve felt from my friends here has been overwhelming and beautiful. I know I need to knuckle down and attempt my exams (before resits in Summer) as I can’t let my work go to waste. Dad’d be mortified if he knew his illness and death caused me to spiral into my binge eating as a means of coping and underachieving at uni. 

There will be a time when his death will really hurt me, as I’m still on autopilot and kinda numb at the moment. But I’m sorting out the mess that my life is: I’m putting me as number one, focusing on good physical and mental health (less crap, more exercise), my education, family and friendships. Blogging too, when I have the time and energy (I’ve been sleeping so much more, even though the quality is awful sometimes. It’s even worse than when dad’s oxygen condenser was whirring and pumping away all f*cking night long near my door!) I’m putting boys and unnecessary drama to one side and just dealing with things as they come. 

I miss my Pops so much already, and  he truly was one of my best friends, as sad as that sounds. I hope that one day I’ll have the skills and compassion to help others through such a shitty journey that brain cancer is, and death of a very close loved one. Who knows? If law doesn’t work out, I’ve got to find another vocation!

Love first, forever and always❤️

Posted in Me


Oh god I’ve been so productive over these past couple of days! And I feel good

  1. FINISHED MY COURSEWORK ESSAY (public law, it’s grim… about constitutional law principles, prerogative powers, and the Miller / Brexit case) I’ve written about the operation, scope and limitations of prerogative powers – where the executive in government (Theresa May) has authority to do public acts without consulting parliament. In addition I mention key constitutional law principles – the rule of law, (nobody is above it) parliamentary sovereignty, (parliament has the last say in conflict between the executive and parliament) the  separation of powers (prevent a dictatorship) and democratic representative society and government. Finally, I’ve come to a conclusion whether the Miller case was an ordinary application of these principles. F*cking exhausting for a 1500 word essay and about 200 pages of reading and research. Umm not kidding. 😭
  2. Went on a couple of dates with C, and things are looking good. Realised just how caring (and hot) he is😂 he spontaneously decided he wanted to visit me on Thursday, and made a massive effort to impress (he also stopped over😁) He’d bought a nice bottle of Shiraz (I normally hate red wine as it’s too rich, but this was surprisingly pleasant. Ooh er and chin chin🍷 C also made a big effort to get to know my friends a little, as he’d made the effort of introducing me to his. But he also wanted to spend time with me which was so lifting that he is interested and there. I opened up to him, something I find really difficult when I care or like someone or it’s in an intimate situation, because I don’t want to hurt anyone. (This blog is different ok ok you’re most likely strangers hahaha) His hugs are still on point, and a nice change from the friendly/obligatory hugs at uni. This morning I was verbally presented with a very positive report from friends, so that’s a bonus!
  3. I made a peng lasagne – and it was packed full of veg and low fat turkey mince. Slightly burnt top, but accompanied with some refreshing coconut water and grapefruit/mint infused water, I felt like the epitome of health. (Let’s ignore the fact that I felt like I’ve eaten 1000000 bits of chocolate this week lol)😛 also been watching Jamie’s 15 Minute Meals, getting lots of inspiration for meals and major food envy😍
  4. Also made a vanilla pound cake with a lemon drizzle top🍰 Buzzing. Marv said it was 80% better than his grandma’s lemon drizzle cake; I’ll take that as praise indeed😉We couldn’t wait to dig in, so a more realistic photo was taken👌🏼
  5. Caught up on sleep and it was wonderful. I think I have finally readjusted my f*cked up sleeping pattern thanks to a combination of Pukka Night Time tea (delicious combo of lavender, oat flower, camomile and valerian root that makes you feel all relaxed and nicely sleepy)
  6. Watched OITNB (again) as relaxation, and I’m enjoying it more (addicted) the second time around (CAUSE YOOOOOU’VE, GOT, TIIIIIIIIIIIIIME😅) Also managed to convince my folks to watch it (watch this space)
  7. The other night, I had a really deep conversation with my mum, and am evermore excited to go home in a week or so. I’ve sometimes been rocky with my mum and felt she favours my younger brother (Mumma’s lil boy, whereas I’ve grown up and more and more like her ahahah help) Anyway, we talked on Facebook for ages about relationships, marriage, teenage pregnancies… I love talking about contraversial and opinionated topics in general, and I find it so fascinating to listen and contest my mum’s views – especially because she can be harsh and sweeping, but she feels it’s a generational thing… yeah right, she’s just stubborn and quick to judge (but I wouldn’t change that about my mumma as she will listen!)
  8. Went to Nando’s with my house; it’s something we love doing together and we don’t normally spend a lot of time together which is such a shame! Also had dinner Faith and Olivia – a gorgeous mix of fried plantain, coconut rice and beans and jerk chicken. Earlier in the week I’d made them my very first meatloaf – flavourful and juicy – served with broccoli and thinly sliced potatoes. Love our lil social dinners❤️
  9. Started to read Mark Haddon’s “The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime” and I’m not giving away any spoilers BUT OMG IT IS GRIPPING. It’s narrated from a 15 yr old boy called Christopher with Asperger’s syndrome and the plot is rich as he pushes the boundaries of his small comfort zone in order to solve a murder mystery (of Wellington the dog, not a person.) Haddon does an amazing job of reinforcing the way Christopher’s brain works, through child like interpretations of more complex issues such as relationships and emotions, and a lack of commas (it’ll do your nut in if you’re a grammar freak like me!) to emphasise this unbroken stream of thought. Get reading guys, it’s beautiful to immerse yourself in a literary, alternative world📚

I feel like I’ve accomplished a lot over this short timeframe, which seems bloody miraculous compared to the low motivation a week or so ago… I wanna know what everyone has been up to recently! Aha this is good😁

    Enjoy this grim filtered photo of me being very happy about life😂

    Butterflies in my (stress-induced-chicken-nugget-binge filled) stomach

    I’ve not posted in aaaaages (sorry guys) but my views have blown up – THANK YOU!!! Still keepin’ it real👌🏼

    Anyways, I’m juggling a 1500 word public law essay about A50EU, brexit and a whole host of things like parliamentary sovereignty, prerogative powers and stuff I don’t understand… In addition I’ve also got a legal Skills reflective portfolio – 25 pages nonetheless – and due less than week after. Help. Oh and my skills tutor set us writing and delivering a closing speech for Wednesday. F*cking mickey take. Ah well I’m trying to cope. 

    Also trying to make it less awkward for my friends who are also friends with an “ex” – one who cannot look me in the eye after 9 weeks of things ending (badly, his fault.) I’ve been petty in the past (singing Cee-Lo Green’s Forget You in front of him at karaoke hahah) but I’m being mature and trying to be civil. Not for my benefit but for our friends. (Still can’t get a text back. D*ckhead.)

    ANYWAY, I had decided to get back on Tinder a few weeks ago (future post to follow oioi!) and see what the market’s like in York… and I matched to a solid 9/10. I was the one that messaged first after superliking him [I’ll refer to him as C] (ballsy or weird – guys I want your opinion) and the message was horrific and hilarious. But my incredibly crass chat up line worked and we went out for drinks on Friday. I met some of his friends and they seemed to like me and vice versa: they creased when they found out how I met C. 
    Not only am I pleasantly surprised that this hottie is actually attracted to me and told me I was beautiful (🙈) but we’ve been chatting online and on the phone… he seems like a genuine guy and really sweet.

    He’s really touchy-feely which is nice – no, not in a pervy way, but more hugs and holding my hands etc – because sometimes at uni I kinda feel deprived of more intimate human contact. Back at home, I’m greeted with a hug when I wake up, come back from work or school and before bed. But nobody does this at university; sometimes you hug friends but it’s not the same or enough. Anyway, C is giving me serious butterflies. 

    When we matched, I assumed that it was just gonna be a casual thing, but after hanging out round town alone and with his friends on Saturday, it’s not what he or I want. Hopefully there’s something more to this that just “oh yeah swiped this fitty on Tinder”, and hopefully I don’t royally f*ck up!😅

    So I’m meeting up with C again on Friday and I’m buzzing. He’d called me to arrange it – so much nicer and funnier than a cheeki text or (even worse) tinder message. Not that tinder messages are bad, but after meeting him it’d be weird to keep using the app….

    This is the early days of who-knows-what and it’s so exciting and nerve wracking. Admittedly things have progressed quickly, but I’m feeling optimistic. Here’s to new things and new people (fingers crossed for me babes) 🥂🤞🏼

    Please enjoy this photo (old, but relevant) of me looking pretty darn happy. 

    Posted in Me

    127hrs of shots and sleep

    On Monday night, my childhood best friend drunkenly messaged me that he missed me and that he was gonna come up to see me the next day. Or words to that extent, at 2am. Another mate of ours decided he wanted in and at 9pm on Tuesday, my two loveable idiots arrived🎉 it was such a lovely feeling to see them after a really difficult few days (see previous post) and my mum was right that they’d get me drunk and have a barrel of laughs. After getting my attention by honking the car horn repeatedly and rapidly (one guy is a drummer) and helping me bring in my shopping, we had dinner: cod Thai red curry and rice, with garlic bread and Camembert. 

    They’d also brought up a 20 pack of Bier de Luxe from Lidl, a can of pussy (plus their sleeping bags etc👌🏼) and a bunch of daffs and a cake from my parents. Babes. 

    So the night was full of drinking, card games, laughs, band practice crashing and catching up with them and two other mates who go to York too. G passed out on the sofa at like 1am, after multiple shots of straight Barcardi. 

    I slept for about three hours, and woke up at 8 so G could top up the car parking. A jam packed day at uni consisting of a seminar, lecture and touring prospective law students round campus on 3 hours sleep was torture. Didn’t have a hangover thank god!!🍻 I collapsed at 4pm and slept until house fajita night at 7 (which was pengggggg) and back to sleep from 8 til 9:30am – I only woke up twice to go to the loo. 

    This morning I felt so refreshed after my marathon sleep and a hot shower… made a fruity fresh breakfast and a peppermint tea – I’m now ready to carpe diem

    Never say no to the impromptu; remember to live your life, even if it does mean a massive catch-up for sleep. I miss Ginger and G more than anything already, but glad that I’m re-energised both physically and emotionally❤️ 

    Eat, drink, love, my homies✌🏼

    The past few days…

    Recently, I haven’t been in a great place. My dad isn’t well at the moment and I’m starting to miss him a lot, and worry about him and my family. 

    As a result, my whole routine is all over the place. I’ve forgotten to take my vitamins and other meds, I’m binge eating, my sleep pattern is all over the place and I have no motivation. I hate feeling this way, as it has arisen from stress, yet it causes more stress… exacerbating the problem. Such a crap vicious cycle. 

    So normally I take some vitamins in the morning to make sure that I’m staying healthy, and the ironic thing is that when I’m feeling like this, I probably need to take them. I don’t feel like managing my diabetes as well, either. Dangerous I know, but I still take the majority of my insulin doses. Yet I forget because I oversleep or am preoccupied. Kind of a short point, and the tip of the iceberg. 

    Secondly, binge eating. I identified this with my counsellor and it’s so strange. Normally, I eat a decently balanced diet with the right nutrients; I let myself have a little treat (everything in moderation.) But my binge eating literally spirals out of control and I just snack on crap food. Obviously I should just stop buying things like biscuits and binge items, but I’ll just get crabby and cave in. I’m not purging, it’s not something that I agree with, but binge eating in the moment makes me feel calm. And then afterwards I look (metaphorically?) at myself and feel sick. This morning was bad… I overslept and didn’t eat breakfast. Instead I had a handful of doritos, three chocolate hob nobs, some water and a bottle of lucozade sport. Flipping great🙄

    I’ve always loved food and I don’t know why I turn to it during stress – thank god I’m not binge drinking alcohol. Partly because I keep and eye on it (my grandpa was an alcoholic and I’m genetically more at risk to abuse alcohol) but partly because I can’t be arsed to drink when I feel like sh*t. 

    Binge eating hasn’t really affected my weight, which would just freak me out if it did. My counsellor suggested that this was because all these negative emotions (stress, anxiety, depression, helplessness) burn a lot of calories anyway. 

    In addition, my sleep pattern is shot to f*ck. I’m struggling to fall asleep at night; sometimes I won’t stay asleep and sleep is disruptive and poor quality. Napping is frequent, especially days where I have at least two lectures (today I failed to attend my final lecture.) 

    To top it all off, my motivation is at rock bottom. The weeks are flying by, and I’m living each day from sleep opportunity to sleep opportunity. I don’t feel like I’m progressing much with my coursework pieces; I don’t want to go to the gym; I don’t even want to shower or tidy my room. This is all antithetical to how I normally am, and it’s worrying. 
    But there is a positive to all this. I don’t feel suicidal. Plus I know I’m my heart that this state is temporary and I will do things to change this state of mind:

    • I will tidy my uni room; I have tours on Wednesday of it (get paid £10 in an Amazon voucher oi oi) Something my mate Faith says is “tidy room, tidy mind” and I think having a freshness about the place could help. 
    • My next Morrisons grocery order does not contain any food like crisps and chocolate etc – I will have a ‘cleanse’ or ‘detox’ as these rich privileged people of instagram claim. In general, I’ll just eat better, and save a bit of money! 
    • I’ll talk to my nearest and dearest. This means my family (on FaceTime) and my friends who are here for me physically and at the tap of an app. 
    • I’ll force myself to go to the gym or exercise this week. 
    • I’ll also go out on Wednesday for the St. Trinians netball social. I might not drink, but I’ll go. 
    • I’ll encourage myself each little thing that I accomplish, focussing on the positives! This includes re-establishing my sleeping pattern and daily routine. 
    • And finally, I will not sleep through my next counselling session!

    To anyone else going through a shit time like me, don’t beat yourself up, ok? We’ll get through this and remember that communication is key. 

    Love, E❤️

    Posted in Me

    Appreciation (Watkins family oioi)

    One of my closest friends at uni, the ditzy yet absolute gem Olivia Watkins, listened to me talk sh*t for about an hour this evening. We were at a film screening (more to follow on this) and I received some bad news (more to follow on that)

    Anyway, Twatkins (cute nickname I know😉) knew I was upset and listened to me jabber on about stuff. After an hour or so, I went to the loo (her premium ensuite bearing in mind… ooooooh) and when I came back she gave me a little gift bag. 

    Her mum and dad (who I’ve met a couple of times and get on so well with) had told her to give me this “pick me up” when I was feeling down. I nearly cried again when she told me this, and I opened it. 

    Not only did Olivia’s parents TOTALLY CAPTURE MY STYLE, but it just fits perfectly with my day to day jewellery and go to outfits. 

    I’m so grateful to have friends like Liv, and equally grateful to have met her parents who are totally awesome and supportive. Something so simple and the thought has put a smile on my face ☺ friends are so important; big ’em up❤️